A while back I posted about an immune disorder that has reoccurred and which has made my life difficult. It all started about 6 or more years ago when I broke out in a mysterious case of hives along with a list of other bodily complaints...well to make a long story short this malady has sent me on a trip I never ever wanted to take!
Hives you say...sounds simple and endurable...but not when they turn into a chronic condition where they immobilize you for weeks, months and sometimes longer. They most often are pressure induced, if I sit for to long or hold something for to long, or even lay in my bed on one side for to long...bruises, burning itching welts and swellings occur and last for days and weeks on end...
Do I feel sorry for myself...you betch ya! Am I angry and upset and pissed off that I have had to endure this for so long...you betch ya! Am I venting...yes...blogging is cheaper then a therapist LOL...and getting this off my chest gives me a real sense of release...
This malady has made me cancel vacations, caused me to not make friends as I get tired of making up excuses as to why I can't make or keep plans; canceled projects and group visits to my studio. It has made me live a quiet life. I have found solace and a sense of comfort in my art-making...but even that has been made sporadic and at times not doable. I take pleasure and peace by walking and meditating in wild places...clearing my head, heart and my spirit.
To look at me you would say..."She looks fine...appearances can be deceiving and people are apt to judge you for all sorts of reasons. For instance, I can't wear tight clothes or fancy shoes or wear make up...I sometimes can't wear a bra...I have to wear my underwear inside out so that the seams don't press on my skin...and I stay housebound if my face has been affected...etc etc. I can't work outside the home, because this malady is so unpredictable...so I have devoted my life to making a HOME SWEET HOME!
I know it is difficult to not judge people...we must try to be compassionate and kind...if you don't know someone then don't judge them at face value...I believe we all have something to teach others, we all go through things that will make us wiser more compassionate beings...we are sent trials and tribulations to help us grow and appreciate life, don't take your good life and its blessings for granted.
This week has brought some revelations...after years and years of exploration, research and tests...having to tell my story to countless doctors and specialists...I finally found out what I have, a diagnoses...a name to put to this thing that has plagued me for years. Its a type of vasculitus not true hives...I know that this skin disorder runs in my family, so now I can at least connect some dots. Now I will be able to make a road map of sorts into what I can do for myself...
I know a lot of you come to this blog because it is a soft place to fall, you have told me this place makes you feel warm and welcomed and that it puts a smile on your face...I apologize if I have brought a different vibe here today. But today it is My Soft Place to Fall...I have told you part of my story...not all of it...I could write and write...but I choose to end it here...
Do I dare push the publish button...why not...aren't stories meant to be told.
Susan
Thank-you Thank-you for all of your well wishes...I know that there are others out there suffering from much worse...so I try to remind myself all of the time how blessed I am in my life...I have a wonderful family, a husband who has been so supportive of me and is always looking out for me...and then there are all of you...you make me feel better...you cheer me up and encourage me to carry on...and carry on I will!
