Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Mid Life Pondering

 January was a month where I asked myself many questions...some of these questions have been answered and others will take more time to figure out. At the heart of it all I feel I've reached an impasse...a cross roads in my life.
For the last five years I have battled health problems that have nagged me and given me much grief. During this trying time my saving grace was my ability to escape into my art. My ability to create gave me a sense of completeness, a feeling of worth...a feeling of being appreciated. My art took me away from my pain and gave me a job to do...and even though I had many days where I felt terrible I knew I could escape into my world of make believe.
Fast forward to today...February 4th 2014...the beginning of a brand new year...a year in which I am feeling much better...what's that old saying,{Time heals all wounds} and in my case that seems to be happening. I still have my days and I still have to be wary and watchful of certain things, but overall I feel much more capable and energetic. 
With this healing comes a restlessness...a feeling of wanting to do more, see more, learn more. Being home-bound for five years can do this to you! During this five years I shut myself away from everything...from travel, from friends, from family, from life...not because I wanted to, but because my body gave me no choice. Some understood and some didn't, and I got really tired of trying to explain. So often what I was going through was invisible to others...hidden under my clothes and masked by drugs. Only my husband saw my pain and it was not easy for him either...by any stretch of the imagination.
You folks in blogland became my world...since I didn't go out much I became best friends with my computer and all the folks I met online. I was actually online more then onlife. 

Don't get me wrong...I am thankful everyday for all the blessings I have been given...for many years you have supported my art and my blog. You have become close friends and mentors and we have learned to cross the miles, we have made borders disappear and we know that Art brings people together to share a common language...a language that can span the whole world. 

In a few years I will be 50...middle age in my eyes...and I realize that years have passed without me taking part in life outside these four walls. I need to free myself, I need some space to grow, to get out and partake of life with the living. I have been given so much and I want to give back. I want to spend time volunteering, I've signed up for classes and I've joined some local groups. I need to step away from my computer to see whats out there...I want to do more of the things that will help me on my healing journey.

I felt strongly that I had to convey these feelings as I feel beholden to all of you. I have a feeling of responsibility to keep this blog up and to continue to create my imaginary world of characters for you...you who have given homes to all of my creations...thank-you!
Now its time for me to spread my wings...to create some things just for me. When I feel that I've filled my heart with all it needs, when my mind is satiated with new learning, then I will return here to bring you new and wonderful things.

Good bye for now my friends and thank-you for being my steadfast companions on this artful journey!

Cheerios, Susan

PS...I will try to pop in once in a while.

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