Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Mid Life Pondering

 January was a month where I asked myself many questions...some of these questions have been answered and others will take more time to figure out. At the heart of it all I feel I've reached an impasse...a cross roads in my life.
For the last five years I have battled health problems that have nagged me and given me much grief. During this trying time my saving grace was my ability to escape into my art. My ability to create gave me a sense of completeness, a feeling of worth...a feeling of being appreciated. My art took me away from my pain and gave me a job to do...and even though I had many days where I felt terrible I knew I could escape into my world of make believe.
Fast forward to today...February 4th 2014...the beginning of a brand new year...a year in which I am feeling much better...what's that old saying,{Time heals all wounds} and in my case that seems to be happening. I still have my days and I still have to be wary and watchful of certain things, but overall I feel much more capable and energetic. 
With this healing comes a restlessness...a feeling of wanting to do more, see more, learn more. Being home-bound for five years can do this to you! During this five years I shut myself away from everything...from travel, from friends, from family, from life...not because I wanted to, but because my body gave me no choice. Some understood and some didn't, and I got really tired of trying to explain. So often what I was going through was invisible to others...hidden under my clothes and masked by drugs. Only my husband saw my pain and it was not easy for him either...by any stretch of the imagination.
You folks in blogland became my world...since I didn't go out much I became best friends with my computer and all the folks I met online. I was actually online more then onlife. 

Don't get me wrong...I am thankful everyday for all the blessings I have been given...for many years you have supported my art and my blog. You have become close friends and mentors and we have learned to cross the miles, we have made borders disappear and we know that Art brings people together to share a common language...a language that can span the whole world. 

In a few years I will be 50...middle age in my eyes...and I realize that years have passed without me taking part in life outside these four walls. I need to free myself, I need some space to grow, to get out and partake of life with the living. I have been given so much and I want to give back. I want to spend time volunteering, I've signed up for classes and I've joined some local groups. I need to step away from my computer to see whats out there...I want to do more of the things that will help me on my healing journey.

I felt strongly that I had to convey these feelings as I feel beholden to all of you. I have a feeling of responsibility to keep this blog up and to continue to create my imaginary world of characters for you...you who have given homes to all of my creations...thank-you!
Now its time for me to spread my wings...to create some things just for me. When I feel that I've filled my heart with all it needs, when my mind is satiated with new learning, then I will return here to bring you new and wonderful things.

Good bye for now my friends and thank-you for being my steadfast companions on this artful journey!

Cheerios, Susan

PS...I will try to pop in once in a while.


Jan Spell Pritchard said...

Wow Susan - what a beautiful installment!! May I be the first to say - Bon Voyage!! - Please, though, know we'll be here when ever you need us, or feel like dropping us a note along the way, (like a postcard home!?)- about you're seeing or thinking, and experiencing along the way!!?? :D Would love to turn this section into a virtual "Going Away/Bon Voyage Party!" SO - Raising a glass of cheer and support in your general direction and blowing a kiss! (OK seriously: even if only infrequent, I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping you'll drop us a line or two from time to time - The connections and support that first found a common thread around your wonderful creation continues - even if the topics change over time... it's the connections that mean so much,however long the thread!) Much love always - Jan in Oregon

Melissa said...

My dear Susan, I was about to step away from my computer then saw your post! The sum of it is, I'm glad you are feeling better enough that you now can open that door and explore new things - that is terrific! I wish you much joy!

You may not know but I have ended up being retired much earlier than I'd expected. I do hope to come and visit you this year, but there is no pressure! We'll see how things go.

Happy Sailing!

Julie said...

Many Blessings on your journey and don't worry about us. You do what you need to do for yourself.

I just turned fifty two weeks ago and I love it. Enjoy your life my friend,

WoolenSails said...

I hope your new journey takes you to a new magical place, full of friends and adventures. I am chronically ill and I tend to hibernate, especially in the winter. During the nicer weather I get out paddling and hiking, but hoping to be able to do it on my own without my husband having to take me, so that is my goal this year.


Patti said...

God be with you on your journey. May it be more blessed than you can imagine. We will stillbe here when you pop in :)
It's a beautiful world out there and I hope you enjoy it one day at a time!
Blessings, Patti

marly said...

Your words sound full of excitement and promise. I'm so glad you are feeling better. Enjoy! We will be here and anxious to see your creations once again, when you are ready.

Unknown said...

Hi Susan,
I have THE same expirience with krafting. IT takes me away also, buth i also live in THE outside world.
I wil promise You , You Will get inspiration at places You dient axpect. From other people and from beautiful places. I dont kno were You live, but there are beautiful places around everything korner and beautiful people.

I wish u a great jurny.

Sorry for my english.

Anne-Lise at Rag, Tag, Bobtail said...

Wishing you all the best on the next stage of your journey.
I hope to see more of your beautiful creations someday.

liniecat said...

I agree with Jan entirely.
Many, many congratulations. This was delightful to read and a thoughful farewell.
It sounds as if you truly deserve to spread your wings and I hope you have a fulfilling series of happenings from here on in.
They will all filter through to your make believe and your creative soul I suspect, will still need feeding/therapy/solace along the way so I reckon the creatures youve imagined, won't just whisper away.
Im going to follow still.
I reckon there'll be afew who would like to see a virtual postcard to know you are well and happy from time to time lol : )
Now - GO - Enjoy!!

N E E D L E P R I N T said...

I wish you Happy Ever After with all my heart. Lovely knowing you - you have made a difference with your art.

Anonymous said...

jan has all that i wanted to - and in a much more articulate way than i can manage - so bon voyage and smooth sailing to you! we look forward to the occasional 'little postcard home'!

Jennifer Hatt said...

Blessing to you, I hope you enjoy you classes.


Cheryl @ Bingle Bears said...

I hope you have a sparkling, dazzling, and fun new journey that takes you to places you never dreamed possible!! As a person who deals with chronic pain with an "invisible" illness, I understand what it feels like to live a "restricted" life. I can only imagine the sense of freedom you have found! How wonderful!! I'll look forward to hearing all about your future travels. Enjoy and take good care of yourself!


Catherine said...

Wonderful reflection!! I second what Jan said!!

Sandi said...

Susan, they say "Time heals all wounds" and it would appear your time has come, congratulations on the strength to spend the time your needed to get well.

Take the time to enjoy your new found journey, come and visit every now and again and enjoy your creativity your find your your new journey.

Follow your heart but listen to your head.

Beehive Needleworks said...

Godspeed on your journey...may you travel a path filled with adventures most splendid!

jennifer768 said...

Beautiful post,so delightful to read.I am so happy that you are feeling better.Enjoy spreading your wings and may God continue to bless you.I am sure that no matter where your journey takes you it will bless not only you but others as well.I have always been blown away by your talent and hope that you find time to continue with your craft.Big hugs and many prayers,Jen

Carol Roll said...

A beautiful and thoughtful blog.Enjoy yourself and all that you are going to experience. All the best to you!

Kays Kids said...

Spread your wings and Fly Susan.
Big Hugs

jerilanders said...

Susan, How happy I am that you are now free to live your life in the real world, so to speak. I think it is great! But my dear, you are still quite young in my eyes, (I recently turned 60) Now get out there and do all the things you weren't able to before, HURRAh! I really am thrilled for your new adventures!

Doreen Frost said...

Susan..go ..spread your wings, build a life..enjoy!!!!

hugs and best of luck :)Doreen

The French Bear said...

susan, you know I hold you dear to my heart, our health issues have crossed paths and I know how difficult it can be.....we have met so many blog friends that are very special and it is hard to step away. Sometimes you just have to reach that difficult decision. You need to take care of yourself and live in the moments that allow you to be the free spirit you are! Take care and journey on!!! I miss your posts and your beautiful creations, I am so thankful I have my little babes to remind me of what a champion and good friend you are!!!!
Love you,

Carol said...

I wish you every happiness in your new stage of life, Susan!! You are so very talented and deserve all the best (and coming from someone who will turn 60 next year--50 is not middle aged :) Your best years are ahead of you--enjoy!!

Michelle May-The Raspberry Rabbits said...

Hi ya Susan. I find it funny what happens to us women when we are in our 40's. I am almost 46 and myself and many of my 40 year old friends are going through the same thing. We take notice, assess, reevaluate, decide, ponder, wonder and then take a leap of faith in a new direction. I am most happy for you and wish you many wonderful times on your journey ahead. I am most happy to own a piece of your incredible art. No go out and explore, but most important, go out and live.
Hugs and friends,
Michelle and the Bunnies

a quiet life said...

i spend very little time on line, just wanted to say how happy i am for you that you are feeling well enough to unplug and enjoy the boundless universe!

Sharon Morrison said...

I visited your blog today and was thrilled to learn that your pain is less, and your world will be getting bigger!! I suffer from RA and Fibromyalgia...so I am familiar with pain. Today is a good day for me and they are getting better each week.
Your art is divine and warms my heart. I wish you well in your classes and hope to see you when you have landed:-)

Kim said...

Hoping this Spring is bringing you a lot of joy as you start on this new stage of your life journey. I like to come to your blog and just feast on all your creations, while I ponder how you do what you do so beautifully.

Best Wishes

Karen B. said...

Hi dear Susan,
I was sitting at my laptop and suddenly you came in to my mind. I just wanted to drop you a line to say 'Hi' and I hope you are well and life is good to you.
Many hugs,
Karen B. ~ Todolwen

Girls Just Want to Have Fun! said...

Hi Susan,

You crossed my mind today, like an old friend...and I ponder on how you are and where your path has taken you. I hope your heart has been renewed with inspiration and new found loves!

Judy K. ~ Albuquerque

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